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Sunday, February 01, 2004

Andy Borowitz: TRUTH SHOCKER 

BUSH ACCUSES SADDAM OF TELLING TRUTH

Evildoer Knowingly Came Clean on WMD's, President Charges

In his weekly radio address, President George W. Bush leveled his harshest charge ever at fallen Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, accusing the former dictator of "knowingly telling the truth" about not possessing weapons of mass destruction in the months leading up to the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq.

"After years of lying about his weapons, Saddam Hussein willfully decided to tell the truth about them," Mr. Bush said. "His treachery knows no bounds."

After Mr. Bush excoriated Saddam for his "wanton truth-telling," he reminded his radio audience that "thanks to the work of our coalition, Mr. Saddam Hussein will never be free to tell the truth again."

Mr. Bush argued that while the invasion of Iraq had turned up no weapons of mass destruction, preventing the former Iraqi strongman from telling the truth in the future was reason enough to go to war.

"In the wrong hands, the truth can destabilize regions and even destroy entire civilizations," Mr. Bush said. "In that respect, the truth itself is a weapon of mass destruction - one that Mr. Saddam Hussein will never be able to use again."

The President closed his speech with tough words for North Korea's Kim Jung-il, whom the President accused of telling the truth about his own weapons program.

Naming Mr. Kim a member of what he called "The Axis of Veracity," Mr. Bush urged the North Korean madman to cease and desist telling the truth and to "join the community of truth-fearing nations."

This is one of his (Andy's) very best.

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